Retrospection – LH

Here I am, soon to write my last scene. Writing this story has been quite a roller coaster, but one that I am proud to have taken on. From a story about a Zoroastrian spirit to a story about whether God is real, this project has indeed gone in some very different directions. And as I draw close to the end, I allow myself some retrospection.

So, first and foremost, am I proud of the work I have produces so far? Admittedly, what I have is, for the most part, unedited. As you can probably tell from my excerpts, there is choppy writing, awkward moments, and dysfunctional sentences. But for all intensive purposes, let’s focus on the content. This story is a speculative piece, designed to explore the nature of divinity and make a case for the questionable existence of God (in whatever form). This is a subject that absolutely fascinates me, and is something that I think about on a daily basis.

So after reading over this mostly completed draft, I can safely say that am proud of this content. In particular, I am quite satisfied with the amount of thinking I put into Arash and John’s conversation about their backgrounds and their beliefs as they walk down the beach, which begins in the excerpt below. I am also very excited about the climax I have designed (but you’ll have to wait to hear about that).

However, perhaps the most interesting thing about writing this story is that it has changed my views on God. As incredibly cheesy as this sounds, writing the argument between John and Arash made me think about divinity in a way that I never had before. And as I wrote it, it struck me as nonsensical that something so unequivocally beautiful and powerful as religion in its many forms could be based on nothing (read the story to learn more about this).

angel in heaven

So do I believe in God? No. I certainly don’t pray or go to services. Do I deny the existance of God? No, I don’t think I can call myself an atheist anymore. In this transition from Jewish atheist to Jewish agnostic (or something of the sort), I guess I glimped for a moment how it feels to be religious; to be confident that something could be out there, perhaps not even guiding us, but watching us. And it was pretty comforting.

Well, I think that’s enough introspection for today. Here’s the next excerpt:

As we traversed a small tidal pool, Arash asked, “So you’re the doctor. What do you think it is?”

“I told you, I don’t know,” I sighed. “The only solution I can think of at the moment is surgery.”

Arash let out a short bark of laughter. “You think that someone stitched the wings on?” he asked. “That’s ridiculous, and you know it. They would have long since come undone in the water.”

“I know. Just… give me time to think about it. We won’t know anything until I can perform a full autopsy.”

“So you admit it could be an angel?” he asked, shifting his weight so the man’s neck rested in the crook between his head and shoulder.

I looked at Arash, completely surprised. “What? I thought you were a scientist! This doesn’t happen in nature, ever.”

Arash halted suddenly, causing me to lean dangerously. I struggled to stay upright, the weight of the man’s lower body pulling me towards the soft sand. My right foot lurched forward, allowing me to regain my balance. I looked up at Arash, confused as to why he had to stop.

He glanced back at me quizzically and asked, “We are carrying something on our backs that we thought was impossible only five minutes ago. How can it be impossible?”

“What is that supposed to mean? I have a Ph.D. I know better than anyone else in this God damned town what is and isn’t possible,” I said angrily.

“Really? Because the proof is right here,” he replied. “I have a degree too, you know. Maybe it’s not from your fancy American schools, but I know enough to agree that this doesn’t happen in nature. So the only other explanation is something that we can’t understand.”


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